I was trying to keep a schedule so I can have a post a week now that the dust has settled and I’m into mommyhood but honestly this feels so fresh that I want to share.
I’ve talked on here about the multiple mommy groups I am a part of. My most beloved groups are with ladies across the United States and internationally. I have a small group that I am in constant contact with daily as well as a few local mom groups here in San Francisco. This was a big part of my post partum self care, I joined a ton of groups to build a support network for myself and my new family so we didn’t feel so isolated in this new chapter of our lives.
I haven’t ventured out to too many Mommy meet up groups in SF mostly because we’ve had a lot going on and a lot of events in our own friendship groups. The few I have been to have been absolutely amazing and I’ve met some really cool ladies. Today we went to our first meet up as a couple with a new larger group.
To the other parents out there, you know what an ordeal it is to get out of the house. First we had to change out of sweats which is a big deal, I even managed to put makeup on! Then it’s wrangling the baby, changing, feeding and strapping her into her car seat which she HATES. All in its about an hour to get out of the house.
So today we were excited to go meet up with a bunch of other families in SF with babies around our same age. We don’t have a lot of friends with babies so this event was something we had been looking forward to. The event was held at a food truck park here in SF. Of course Stephen and I being the Type A parents that we are got to the park at the exact time the event started. We spent the first 15 mins roaming around looking for the reserved tables, or a stroller or any indication of the event. It felt like a blind date, we would see a mom with a stroller and try to give a knowing smile to see if they were there for the meet up as well, most weren’t, it was awkward AF. We found another mom looking for the group as well and we searched for a few mins together before she gave up and sat down at another bench and Stephen and I were left to search alone again. We finally found the tables and were shocked that now 20 minutes late they were completely empty. We felt like losers who showed up to a party early in every comedy you’ve ever seen. I sat there clutching my car seat begging Stephen to wait to get food and not leave me and Marlowe alone, reluctantly he agreed. About 10 minutes later another couple showed up, I knew the mom from our neighborhood mom group and it was nice to see a familiar face. We sat down and chatted with our babies, Stephen got food and we sat the four of us at 4 huge tables for about an hour.
Finally other moms showed up, this is when shit got weird. A group of about 4-5 moms showed up in all their stroller glory, took one look at us and did not come sit down. They even went as far as to move other chairs and tables out of the way to make room for themselves and their strollers while happily using the reserved tables as a spot to set their rose. We didn’t even get any awknowlegement, not a smile, a wave, nothing.
Now it was pretty obvious from the babies in our arms that we were part of this group. Eventually another mom showed up and sat at another table next to us and ate a burrito alone before introducing herself but even that attempt was half hearted. Stephen and I looked at the cliquey rude moms, at eachother and then and Marlowe and decided we had seen enough.
This felt like some sad high school drama, we were the losers and the popular kids wanted nothing to do with us.
I shamefully made my way to our stroller which had been moved to the side by this group of ladies to make room for their own. Even when pushing past the group of moms and packing up my baby literally a few feet from their faces, they couldn’t be bothered to even look in our direction.
Leaving the meet up my face hot with anger and embarrassment it felt like the worst kind of rejection. Not only did we feel rejected but we had kind of put Lo in a position where she was rejected. Now I know that sounds dramatic but since we’ve been back I’ve been mulling it over and over in my head about why it felt so shitty. I’ve had people in my life not want to be my friend and I’ve been ok with that, I’m sure my husband has too. This felt so bad to me because these mean girls were not only not interested in us, they were uninterested in the most important person in our lives, our daughter.
its a funny feeling having a child and in a sense your heart outside your body. Things that hurt you hurt you about a thousand times worst when you child is involved. Before Lo we would have left that place, gotten a beer and laughed over those stuffy asshole. Now I’m still mulling the situation over in my head. Wondering why they didn’t like us and feeling honestly pretty sad that we dragged our family to that event. I’ve been thinking about contacting the host, or writing a petty comment in the event “so great to meet you all!” But instead I wrote it out, bitched to my other mom friends and know that I will probably never attend another event they host again. Trying to tell my brain that they missed out on us. For tonight I will curl up with my perfect, sweet funny family and enjoy the simplicity of just the 3 of us. (Four if you add Icarus)